Our First Debut Album
This collection of songs is an autobiography written from a place of desperation and brokenness — covering addiction, domestic violence, faith, redemption, and restoration within recovery communities. Released December 2020, these 16 tracks walk through the healing process, strategically ordered to follow the 12 steps of recovery.
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The stories behind every song
#1Jesus said, if you have faith even as small as a Mustard Seed, you can say to this mountain move from here to there, and it will move. Nothing will be impossible!
As I sat there in my room at the treatment center I was in for alcoholism and depression, I felt the presence of God wash over me like I’d never felt before and I clearly heard Him say — “If you just believe in me, if you just surrender your life to me and trust me, I will change your life and make your life better than you ever thought possible.” And His Promise has, and continues to come true every, single, day.
“Nothing will be impossible!”
#2This song was written in the summer of 2018 at the Celebrate Recovery Summit at Saddleback Church. Our ministry leader had challenged us to write an easy “singable” song about having your face on the floor, in true surrender, being honest and transparent and giving your brokenness to Jesus. There’s no shame at the Feet of Jesus. Only FREEDOM.
The beginning lyrical bones of this song were written in the sanctuary of Saddleback church with 4000+ people who were worshipping and desperate for MORE JESUS. Then we worked on the chords and music part on an old very out of tune piano at our friend’s house. We spent about 60+ hours on it and we loved it so much that we added it to the album.
“Soak this ground with my fears and lay my life at your feet”
#3This song was written in the first year of my Recovery from alcoholism and depression. I’m a huge fan of the Big Book of AA and I fell in love with the 9th Step Promises, especially when I realized that they were ALL coming true in my life!
I was in pure awe of the fact that I had truly been delivered from the obsession to drink. I have never, not once in 9 years even thought about picking up the bottle and relapsing to cope with life. That is GOD and GOD alone! God was doing FOR ME what I had tried desperately for years on my own unsuccessfully. This song THANK YOU was the song that started it all — the song that ignited the fire inside me to start writing and recording this Album in 2013.
“God was doing FOR US what we could not do for ourselves”
#4It’s a fun, upbeat yet simple song with a deep meaning. The definition of a Silver Lining is a sign of hope or a positive aspect in an otherwise negative situation — “Every cloud has a silver lining.”
Scripture tells us over and over that God uses all things for our good. No hurt is wasted. No matter where you have been, what you have done in the past, or what you have ahead of you — there is always something good you can find if you just look for it! Jesus is with you the ENTIRE TIME as your Hope, your light, your truth and the greatest love you can ever have. He IS the Silver Lining.
“Where you are right now is beautiful”
#5In the city of Jerusalem, there was a pool called Bethesda where a great number of people would go hoping to be healed. There was a man who had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. Jesus saw him and asked, “Do you WANT to get well?” Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” (John 5:6-8)
This story is a sad reminder of so many of us today. We have conditions that we are desperate for healing, yet we take no responsibility. We are stuck in victim mentality. We blame our addictions, relationship failures, and pain on everyone else. I believe that if we are really honest with ourselves, we all hold the power to be healed and changed when we surrender and let Jesus help us to get up and walk. This song was written for our dear friend Val, who is in the arms of Jesus now.
“We'll know He's here, when the light in the room, is shining thru our brokenness... and we're laughing again...”
#6This song is all about self esteem, self worth, and learning to love yourself. I am someone who has suffered with very low self esteem my entire life. I based my self image on how other people treated me. The names that I took on as my identity were “not good enough,” “ugly,” “worthless,” and the list goes on.
I remember the day when this song came to mind — I was standing outside at night, looking up at the Moon. I had a realization that there had been a shift in my heart, in my perception of who I am. I was being reprogrammed to see myself through the eyes of Jesus. And I felt like I was truly happy for the first time in my life. This is where the album takes a more personal, introspective turn. This song features Rozneik Darling on spoken word, reading a beautiful poem written by our friend Shandell Orr.
“Grant me serenity, courage, and wisdom too”
#7I call this my Divorce song. This song was written in the depths of my depression and “almost” mental/emotional breakdown of 2017. I had reached the point of no return knowing that I could not spend one more day in my life and be OK. I had been praying desperately for God to tell me what to do. And for so long I just kept hearing God say “Just Be Still.”
Until one night, I lay there pouring my heart out to Jesus telling Him I just couldn’t do it anymore. And then I clearly heard Him say “Well, then don’t. And I’ll still love you just the same.” I earned the right to speak my truth and walk away with my head held high — giving myself permission to live the life I’m meant to live where I am cherished and respected.
“When all else fades away, the Lord's love never dies”
#8Domestic violence. The dirty little secret that nobody wants to talk about, yet everyone has either experienced it themselves or knows someone who has. It tends to be the generational curse that keeps on giving until somebody brave steps up and breaks the cycle.
God had been nudging me for quite some time to write a song about this painful topic. From my own personal life and experiences with being a survivor, and from all my years in recovery meeting so many people who have been hurt terribly by verbal, physical, and mental/emotional abuse. This song is the perfect marination of the pain, heartbreak and drama that surrounds these stories — written from many perspectives: the child, the spouse, and the survivors who live to tell.
“I believe in me, and my voice is found”
#9We have all been through something that left us with a Scar. “The tongue has the power of life and death.” (Proverbs 18:21) Your words can either speak life, or speak death. Some of us have physical scars from accidents, abuse, or injuries. But even more of us have emotional scars — scars that cannot be seen, deep beneath the skin.
But the Scars of Jesus — they hold within them the weight of every single story and experience that created your Scars. His Scars are there to remind us how much he loves us. How much is forgiven, forgotten, and covered in Grace. In recovery we learn to open up and show our scars, speak our truth, and we reach a whole new level of intimacy. We are not alone and we are using the time to turn our pain into purpose.
“His Scars are Ours”
#10Who says you can’t have 2 versions of a song on an album? No one! We love the feel of the chill and funky vibes and drums/beats mixed with the electric guitar.
You will never regret taking the time to work on your self esteem and seeing that your identity is who HE says you are, not the lies you’ve absorbed from your circumstances. The healing begins when you start seeing yourself through the eyes of Jesus.
“I'm surrounded by Your breath giving light”
#11We’ve all been there. Hurt by someone we love and trusted. Betrayed. Lies spread. Gossiped about. Judged. Ignored. Abused. Left. Resentment sets in. Anger fills our hearts and love is lost.
Time passes and joy is hard to find. You build walls up around yourself. Then Jesus speaks to you and you realize forgiveness is the key to unlock the prison you are in. You make the choice to forgive and let it GO. You begin to awaken and feel the sunshine on your face again. This active, living, breathing choice has set you FREE. You take off your Grave Clothes, and you learn to dance again.
“The voice that rolled the stone away, is alive in me and He's here to stay”
#12“Grace is the love of God shown to the unlovely; the peace of God given to the restless; the unmerited favor of God.” We’ve all heard the saying “Hurt people hurt people.”
But what happens when we look past the bad behavior and see through to the heart of a person who really just needs love, unconditional love, and grace? Your Grace offered to another over and over again, and never failing to see the person as a soul loved by Jesus, is NEVER a waste of your time! Let us never be the reason that someone who needs Jesus doesn’t want to let Him in because of YOU.
“What if it was you in their place?”
#13In 2017 my friend Barb came to me and asked if I could write a song inspired by her experience with people judging another’s Faith walk based on not being “perfect.”
I myself have experienced a lot of spiritual abuse from religiosity and legalism that led me to judging God based off how I saw Humans behaving. I turned my back on God for 15 years because of PEOPLE. We are all Human, we will never be perfect, and just because you are a believer doesn’t mean you will never sin again. But knowing Jesus really does change you from the inside out — if you REALLY let Him in.
“He'll give you life worth living, covered in Hope and Healing”
#14This song is about Grief. It is about the heartbreaking pain of the death of a loved one. How a piece of you dies when a loved one is no longer here with us. Sometimes this grief is so unbearable that it leads to self destruction.
“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like Eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40:31) This song is about rising from the ashes of defeat — and how pain can become your wings to purpose.
“His joy is my strength”
#15This is the title track for the album. This song was written as a gift to our recovery forever family. We were going through a great loss when one of our beloved Celebrate Recoveries had to close. We performed it on our last night of gathering.
We wanted to leave them with the message that life is full of ups and downs. Nothing lasts forever. Nothing is the end of the world except the end of the world. The true and lasting things that DO last forever are our memories, our love and friendships, and Jesus. Always Jesus.
“Keep swimming, keep smiling, Get Up”
#16I have always loved the story of the Refiner’s Fire and how God uses pain and suffering and the hardships of life to grow us and to refine our character to be more like Him. My struggles in life are not meant to break me, but to MAKE ME!
Just as the album begins with just a little bit of faith the size of a Mustard Seed, it ends with living my life one day at a time. Accepting hardships as a pathway to peace. Trusting that He will make things all right if I surrender to His will. So that I may be reasonably happy in THIS LIFE, and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Thank you for listening to my recovery journey and letting me share!
“They say... life is a journey... live one day at a time”
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PayPal & Venmo accepted — heandimusic@gmail.com